“What is it that makes you want to wake up in the morning?”. I’ve travelled 1500 km to have this chat, prepared for hours, but of all questions I least expected this one. The question may seem innocent, but to ask this to someone of my generation is below the belt.
The truth is: I do not know the answer. And the fact that I don’t makes me feel extremely insecure. Shouldn’t I know by now? In fact, I can only admit that what I have been doing these past months, maybe the past years even, was to go on and on. Following courses, hopping locations, seeing friends, heaving experiences, writing job applications, all were ways to avoid this question.
I don’t often wake up vivid and inspired. Never did. When I wake up I want to stay in bed. In fact I am sad about that. I’d like to be a person that is constantly driven by something. Like playing piano, or painting, or protecting the environment. I’d like to believe in ideals, but deep inside, I see everything as relative.
But now, I’d better come up with an answer. Quickly! “The connection with nature. And with people.” I’m not able to lay myself bare here now because I try. The rest of the interview will be nice though. Phillip and Vivien are beautiful people and I will manage to get over my instant of panic, which, by the way, came after the first impression. I will not get the job because of my lack of German. I’ll get over that quickly. But this question has been asked. It will weaken me. Block my pen if I don’t deal with it. Gently. Slowly.
Why do we expect ourselves to be so fast?