Missing links. Connected links I should say. They remind me of my childhood dreams. Fears.

Donald Duck rants and raves

For about two years, Friday night was the night where I’d write a post for this blog. I didn’t care too much about the quality at the time, – a little of course – what mattered was the process. Building. Moving forward. Adding words to my repertoire. In time, writers realise that it works in a similar way as fossilisation. You add layer upon layer, and somewhere in the depths, let’s call it subconscious, a pressure starts growing. A forgotten shape, a feeling, does not decompose down there. It gets solid. And one day some part of us will have the courage to break through it all, knowing that there is something waiting. Something demonstrable. Perhaps that wasn’t exactly how I saw it at the time, but I do now. Time gradually moved me forward.

What better moment to honour this freedom I apparently experienced, than on a Friday night? I’m listening to Stromae on KEXP at the same time. And what better subject to add to this meaningless pile of information than our dear friend and buddy, President Donald Trump? May I start this with the question: ‘for how long will people keep reciting the list of American presidents?’ And, you know what? Let me end it there as well. Or, instead, at a recommendation to listen to the New York Times’ Daily of today. If you’re into the media discussion, that is. They’re far better at wording all that than I am. And I’ll spare you Larsen C as well.

Which leaves me in a void. A similar freedom I used to envision myself to have. A blank canvas. The unthreaded snow I’ve seen recently, here in Amsterdam and in Vienna.

It’s scary in the void. It reminds me of a time when I was a kid. Several times. When I was ill, I’d see this infinite space of living links. In black and white. The worst was that I was one of them. And so was everybody else, regardless of their pretending. Their beliefs. It was terrifyingly real. So real that whatever my parents told me, I was six the first time, has never been as convincing. So real that I still believe in it.

Why is it that whenever we have the sense of being free, we are faced with our worst fears? Why do we keep carving our blank canvasses with vileness? For lack of a better word. Is the reason what they say it is? What who says? So many have spoken, so many have carved us as they have themselves. So few have been free, who taught the rules.

Someone once taught me that Friday night is no better than any other night. I don’t know if I can believe that.

6 thoughts on “Donald Duck rants and raves”

  1. Many questions put. 🙂 Whenever the question is put there is an answer waiting for the call . Fear in the moment of feeling freedom… General polarities and both presented very generally. Fear from what or for what? Freedom for something or freedom from something? Maybe answering these question will take off the veil from this childhood memory . 🙂

    1. Hi Mirjana,

      I did discribe the fear. The big field of links, I was one of them. Am. It is still here. It’s been a long time since I was really frightened by it. A bit, at most, I have faced it better when I was about 20. It is a truth I bear with me, I do not see it as veiled. Instead, I believe many others do not face it. They believe in their masks.

      But the story wasn’t about fear. I wanted to discribe instead the freedom that it sort of resides in. Perhaps not the most fundamental freedom, since it kind of relates to the Friday night, but a freedom nonetheless.

      I also wanted to put it more generally, and not just have it apply to myself. Hence the darker words. It was an attempt to a generalization. See this as a pattern that applies to more people. I could have put more thought on it and provide more concrete examples, but I didn’t, because it was Friday night, and I just felt like creating an extra layer and crafting my pen. : ) That was the freedom of the past I was describing.

  2. Hi Gilles,
    I enjoyed your explanation as an extension of the article. Thank you for this additional explanation.

  3. Hi Giles,

    I hope all is well! I am in Amsterdam for a week and wanted to reach out to see if you are still living here. If so, are you free for a coffee? I haven’t been back since my cycle tour two years ago when we met at Kokopelli smart shop with the two guys from Greek and had amazing Chinese food!

    I love following your blog.

    Let me know if you are available.

    Best, Erin

    On Fri, Feb 17, 2017 at 1:06 PM, Sailing on Dreams wrote:

    > Gilles Havik posted: “For about two years, Friday night was the night > where I’d write a post for this blog. I didn’t care too much about the > quality at the time, – a little of course – what mattered was the process. > Building. Moving forward. Adding words to my repertoire. In t” >

    1. Hey Erin!

      Nice to hear from you : )

      Sorry, I was offline for a while. Nice that you reached out.How have you been? I suppose you’re gone now?


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