It’s a jungle of rules and revelations out there, and everything keeps changing all the time. Stay inside. Stay outside. Don’t use up all the masks. Use a mask! If you tend to cross borders and need to adapt to new situations over and over, it may be wise to adapt some of your behavioural rules, to make sure that you’re always safe. Here are some tips for 10 rules that are easy to remember.
Rule #1 Don’t get mad at people in the street
It’s clearly very rewarding to nurture a temper when a stranger cuts you off at the amount of feet or meters that apply in your country, meaning you can no longer move forward. But being angry causes you to breathe faster. More breathing means more coronavirus in the air or in your lungs, and that’s not what you want. Screaming in somebody’s face creates droplets, and a punch counts as touching. Also, think about your blood pressure. Tempting as it is, getting mad is a no-go in the age of corona.
Rule #2 No eye contact
I am personally usually puzzled by why people would even want this at all, it must be a fetish or something, but the coronavirus can spread through the eyes. It is therefore out of the question that your eyes touch somebody else’s. And you won’t be able to keep your distance if your eyes are against each other. Think about it. You don’t see the person either, so eye contact is not using your eyes the way you should. Keep your obsessions for after the pandemic.
Rule #3 No sex, except for procreative purposes
Sex is breath and breath is corona. So, no sex except at a distance. Nevertheless, we have to look at this also as a long-term issue. Young people tend to be far less susceptible to the virus, and may well develop immunity at a young age. To reach herd immunity, it becomes vital that we put some new young souls in our midst. Some young, immune blood. Little walls for the virus. An organic barrier so to speak. Very handy. But use a condom to avoid other nasty diseases, because kids can still get those.
Rule #4 No mind control
A lot remains unknown about this virus, and it’s yet to be discovered whether gripping somebody else’s mind should be considered a breach of the rule of social distancing. Stay on the safe side, and do not attempt to control people’s minds. Also, wash your rhetoric for at least 20 seconds multiple times a day. We need to do what we can to keep the hospital beds empty.
Rule #5 Avoid mass hysteria
Masses tend to all move in the same direction, while they should be moving away from each other. When afraid, they even tend to schedule gatherings and counter-gatherings. What we want, is that everyone takes their own, solid, comfortable mindspace at a safe distance from others’. Far away from other people’s heightened stress levels. Hence everyone has the room to form their own picture of the situation. Avoid political maelstroms.
Rule #6 Brush your teeth multiple times a day
This one speaks for itself, with all the face mask stuff around. You’ll have to live with your own breath.
Rule #7 Sleep more
Many clear advantages here. Sleeping causes you to breathe less, meaning less corona in the air. You’re less stressed when asleep. And it’s a good measure against becoming overweight, so you’re less likely to enter the risk group. Plus: how often do you encounter beds that are less than 2 meters away from each other? Almost never, in these rich countries at least, so you effortlessly have the social distancing thing covered. But more importantly, if you feel suffocated by all those new laws: in your dreams you can do whatever the hell you want. And if you don’t, practice lucid dreaming. During corona, spend more hours to sleep in, take naps and doze off. It’ll keep you alive.
Rule #8 No bankruptcy-parties
It’s tempting to have a celebration if that neo-nazi bar down the street finally sees its demise, or when the noisy airport in your area decides to keep its planes to the ground once and for all. Or just to celebrate the end of capitalism. But parties count as gatherings and those are dangerous. The exception is a beach party in the sun, as long as you keep socially distancing or procreating with the appropriate protections.
Rule #9 No more chit-chat
Talking is a risk in itself. Therefore, we’re all better off when we make sure the words we speak are of some value. Is it really that important to talk about the weather or about the price of broccoli? Keep the gossip and the chit-chat to your What’s App and Facebook groups or even Twitter if you really need to. But when you speak face to face, make it count. Talk about love. Or life. Or death. So when someone gets sick later because of your conversation, it was worth it at least.
Rule #10 Always stay ahead of the lockdown
This may prove to be a bit of a challenge in the months to come. It requires careful observation, continuous assessment, strong planning and swift action. Look at it as a societal game of tag. Follow the news, move if you need to. Try to visit as many orange or yellow risk areas as you can. But once it’s red… you’re trapped. Bring your work laptop and play this game at your own risk. It’s a once in a lifetime.
Hope it helps!